Can you just .... BE ?!

So when I first rededicated my life to serving Jesus, I had the busiest life of anyone I knew!  I worked full time, was a taxi to my kids, I was married so I was serving my husband and trying to keep up with him. I would go so much that I barely ever made it to bed.  I would crash on the couch and would rarely make it to my room!  I just felt like I had so much time to make up for all the time I had wasted in my 40 something years of not really serving the Lord.  I volunteered everywhere I could and stretched myself so thin that there was no time to spend with God.  

I went to my first women's retreat and the theme of the retreat was:

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! Psalm 46:10"

I had no idea what that looked like or what it even meant!!  How in my lifestyle could I ever be still and I thought I already knew that God was God!  What I found out was this:

This verse is not so much about meditation as it is about the mediation of God's kingdom in the heart of faith.  The command to "be still" comes from the verb rapha (meaning to be weak, to let go, to release) which might be better translated as, "cause yourselves to let go" or "let yourselves become weak".

But to what end are we to "be still," "let go," "surrender," and even to "die to ourselves"?  In Hebrew grammar, the emphasis of coordinate imperatives ("be still!" and "know!") is on the second imperative.  In other words, we surrender in order to know that God is in control as the Master of the Universe.  We "let go" in order to objectively know the saving power of God in our lives.  We give up trusting in ourselves and our own designs in order to experience the glory of God's all sufficiency (Ex 14:14)

When we surrender to the sure truth that the LORD God of Israel is in complete control of this world, we will find peace and be delivered from our temporal fears.  Indeed, even though the present world be shaken (Ps. 46:2), with the nations raging and the kingdoms of men tottering (Ps. 46:6), we will not fear, since we know that God is our present help in time of trouble (Ps. 46:1).

So I tried that.  I knew I was going to have to give up some activities.  I was going to need more time with the Lord.  I quit doing my chores around the house!  (hahaha) I really did!  My husband was not to happy with this choice.  He wasn't happy with the choice I'd made to start going back to church either so I didn't really care at the time what his opinion was.  (I hadn't learned submission yet either) lol :)  All I did know at the time is that I felt tattered.  I just couldn't make anyone happy!  Being a baby Christian was wearing me out!  I was so hungry and wanted to be all things to all people!  I had no idea about the yoke that was bound around my neck.  Turns out it took several more years before that was going to get broken but I had to do something right now!!  My life was a complete catastrophe!  My kids were running all over the place, my husband's addictions were totally out of control, I was out of control!  I couldn't keep still in my faith!  I was wavering to and fro... just moving in any direction that I was getting pulled instead of staying firm in what I knew was right!  It was just about the most miserable place I could have imagined myself to be in at that time.

I went to work one day, I think near my birthday, and one of my co-workers had a gift for me.  It was a beautiful paperweight and the inscription inside said, "I shall not be moved" from Psalm 62:6 - "He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved." 

I cried... "Lord, what are you trying to tell me?" was the cry of my heart!  I found this on the internet, written by Owen L.Crain

Be still,
Slow me down, Lord;
Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind.
Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time.
Give me amid the confusion of the day the calmness of the everlasting hills.
Break the tensions of my nerves and muscles
with the soothing music of the singing streams that live in my memory.
Teach me the art of taking minute vacations,
of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend,
to smile at a child, to read a few lines from a good book.

Slow me down, Lord,
And inspire me to send my roots deep
deep into the soil of life's enduring values,
that I may grow toward my greater destiny.
Remind me each day that the race is not always to the swift,
that there is more to life than increasing its speed.
Let me look upward to the towering oak
and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well.

Now that, I could understand.  I sought out a mentor and just cried to her.  I had already lost my Mom years before and I was pretty much doing life on my own.  In my own understanding for sure!  I needed to be comforted and consoled and taught.  Turns out I didn't know how to be comforted or consoled. I was being taught the Word but I probably made most of my headway through worship.  Music worship... I would get still any moment I could with worship music on my radio at my desk and my headphones on.  The boss wasn't too happy about it but everyone began to notice that I was quiet.  (I used to be this incessant chatter box... looking back, I'm sure it was fairly annoying).  I would go for long, long drives (we lived in Northern California at this time in a town called Lodi, and the roads were either long and straight or you could head east to the mountain range and just drift back and forth on the long, narrow winding roads) with my sunroof wide open, windows down and the stereo blasting away!  I owned every "Katinas" CD's there were at the time and a 6-CD changer and would play them over and over and over again, worshipping at the top of my lungs!  It was truly the first time, I felt touched by the hand of God and that I was being filled with the Holy Spirit.  I would cry and cry... uncontrollably sometimes and it felt sooooo good!  It was so cleansing!!

No one that I knew could understand the things that had happened to me or the things I had done against God.  I didn't even think God would let me off the hook.  It took me some time to work through that His love was unconditional.  It was the first time in my life that I ever knew love that way.  It was so unfamiliar!  I experienced a great growth period of Jesus love as I let His word soak into my heart...

Then the Lord gave me permission to move to San Diego and go thru the strangest transition that I could ever imagine.  I won't go into all the details now (I'll save that for another blog) but most of you know the story.  I will say this, that I fell into the darkness in a mighty way.  I wrecked myself!  Of course I thought that I was only hurting myself. The veil of denial was covering my eyes so thick that I had no idea what was really going on. 

I had to go back to that "being still" mode... Big time!  I took away all the Bible studies, all the volunteer activities which left work and lots of time to try to figure out what was wrong with my heart.  The Lord delivered such a mighty word to me and set me free to bring my journey to a place of healing my heart. 

In October 2011, I lost my job.  It was under the most interesting of circumstances and so I knew that it had the Lord's hand all over it.  I decided to completely submit to Him in ALL THINGS!  My time, my money and my talents!  After 100 days of that journey, He gave me permission to "BE"!

To BEgin a new life - a lot of great things are started of beginnings...

• Matthew 4:23-25
  From there he went all over Galilee. He used synagogues for meeting places and taught people the truth of God. God's kingdom was his theme—that beginning right now they were under God's government, a good government!
• Luke 1:46-55
  The starving poor sat down to a banquet; the callous rich were left out in the cold. He embraced his chosen child, Israel; he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high. It's exactly what he promised, beginning with Abraham and right up to now.
• Luke 24:25-27
  Then he said to them, "So thick-headed! So slow-hearted! Why can't you simply believe all that the prophets said? Don't you see that these things had to happen, that the Messiah had to suffer and only then enter into his glory?" Then he started at the beginning, with the Books of Moses, and went on through all the Prophets, pointing out everything in the Scriptures that referred to him.
• John 8:9-10
  Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"
• Acts 11:4-6
  So Peter, starting from the beginning, laid it out for them step-by-step: "Recently I was in the town of Joppa praying. I fell into a trance and saw a vision:

To know that I am HIS BEloved - what an endearing word...

• Deuteronomy 33:12 Benjamin: "God's beloved; God's permanent residence. Encircled by God all day long, within whom God is at home."
• 2 Samuel 1:23 Saul and Jonathan—beloved, beautiful! Together in life, together in death. Swifter than plummeting eagles, stronger than proud lions.
• 2 Samuel 22:47-51That's why I'm thanking you, God, all over the world. That's why I'm singing songs that rhyme your name. God's king takes the trophy; God's chosen is beloved. I mean David and all his children— always.
• Song of Solomon 1:12-14 [ The Woman ] When my King-Lover lay down beside me, my fragrance filled the room. His head resting between my breasts— the head of my lover was a sachet of sweet myrrh. My beloved is a bouquet of wildflowers picked just for me from the fields of Engedi.

To give me a healthy fear and freedom in BEhaving

• 2 Kings 17:34-39 Reverence and fear him. Worship him. Sacrifice to him. And only him! All the things he had written down for you, directing you in what to believe and how to behave—well, do them for as long as you live. And whatever you do, don't worship other gods! And the covenant he made with you, don't forget your part in that.
• 2 Chronicles 26:3-5 He behaved well in the eyes of God, following in the footsteps of his father Amaziah. He was a loyal seeker of God.
• Exodus 15:26 That's the place where God set up rules and procedures; that's where he started testing them. God said, "If you listen, listen obediently to how God tells you to live in his presence, obeying his commandments and keeping all his laws,
• Deuteronomy 15:4-6 There must be no poor people among you because God is going to bless you lavishly in this land that God, your God, is giving you as an inheritance, your very own land. But only if you listen obediently to the Voice of God, your God, diligently observing every commandment that I command you today. Oh yes—God, your God, will bless you just as he promised. You will lend to many nations but won't borrow from any; you'll rule over many nations but none will rule over you.

To know that I am BEautiful - I had no idea that He sees me as Beautiful!

• Genesis 6:1-2 When the human race began to increase, with more and more daughters being born, the sons of God noticed that the daughters of men were beautiful.
• Proverbs 3:13-18  You're blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madame Insight. She's worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her. With one hand she gives long life, with the other she confers recognition. Her manner is beautiful, her life wonderfully complete. She's the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her. Hold her tight—and be blessed!
• Song of Solomon 2:10-14 Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing! Spring warblers are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios.
• 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.

And that I only want to BE anywhere that HE is!

He has since given me permission to sell everything, close all the chapters of my old life, to forgive deeply (and be set free), to travel here to Roma, TX on the border of Mexico to serve a hungry people.  Me... even me! I've never felt so humble, yet so joyful and loved!  I pray that you will learn to BE in Him... to get to the place where the world has nothing on you and nothing of the world is important to you.  The freedom is so... free!  Thank you for spending time with Him and me today. 

Please feel free to leave comments or to write me an email! I would love to connect with you!  God bless!

Janice